Our first relationship in this world is with our Mothers.
And this relationship is quite windy and sometimes perilous. It can be challenging to know that we may not ever get the love we truly desire. It can be heartbreaking to be squashed, unseen, betrayed, and/or violated.
If you can traverse the messy entanglements and pains, the love on the other side is exquisite.
This path asks you to stand tall in self-responsibility and forgiveness. This path asks you to lean into your adult self so that you can heal the child wounds.
I am not saying that this will be an easy path to navigate. But, I do know that healing the mother-daughter bond is possible. Everything is repairable.
From the time we are born, we so deeply yearn to love and be loved by our Mothers.
And at some point, we separate and even reject our Mothers.
For so much of my life, my mom and I couldn’t connect. From age 2 until age 27, there was some deep divide.
I wanted to cuddle in her arms and feel close but….
A few months ago, I wrote about the need to “protect” oneself and there was such an outpouring of responses that I decided to delve more deeply here.
Here is what I often hear when women are sharing their challenges and struggles:
1. Many women describe that there are people in their lives (generally significant/close relationships like mother, father, partner, sister, friend) who they have noticed it doesn’t feel “good” to be around.
They say things like, “When I am talking on the phone with my mom for longer than 20 minutes or when I am with her for more than 2-3 days, I get exhausted. Sometimes I actually get a headache and a stomachache.”
By the way, this is not limited to only moms, but for the sake of this email, I am sticking with this relationship. It can be anyone – father, sister, brother, boss, friend, partner, etc.
2. Many health practitioners also tell me that after working with their clients, they find themselves unable to fall asleep or their dreams are full of their client’s stories or sometimes, they even feel (emotionally or physically) what their client feels.
Both of the above examples show us that your body is in need of energetic protection.
What is happening is that our bodies are trying to communicate with us constantly. Our bodies are so incredibly brilliant that they are trying to keep us safe, protected, and out of harms way. So, if you are exhausted after spending time with your mom for a few days, there is an underlying message.
Most often, the message is that it is time to create healthy and appropriate boundaries and that deep inner inquiry into deep-set past pains (anger, guilt, sadness) is required.
Most of us don’t want to be bothered doing this “work”. We don’t want to create boundaries out of fear of hurting another. How many times have you wanted to limit your phone call with your mom only to stay on because you don’t want to “rock the boat” or “deal with the repercussions”?
Or we don’t want to feel into our hurt of a mother who was absent or abusive because it IS incredibly painful.
So rather than place ourselves as a priority and make powerful shifts, we ignore the language of our body. And things don’t ever change.
We push against our inner wisdom that is desperately trying to get our attention.
When was the last time you thought about one of your desires?
Feeling more vibrant.
Having a baby.
Expressing more of your wild.
Finding your Soul Mate.
5 minutes ago? 20 minutes ago? 5 seconds ago?
The amount of time we think about our desires and wants is massive. And yet, so often, I hear from women who are stuck and are not actually experiencing what it is they want.
You know why?
Well, my sister, our subconscious mind is quite powerful. It houses all of our past pains and wounds and traumas. It keeps us in the familiar, which often means repeating patterns and keeping us stagnant.
Our subconscious doesn’t like change. It is meant to keep us safe so anytime we start to move away from our “norm”, we experience anxiety, fear, and even skepticism.
So, how do we keep moving forward?
How do we get out of the cycle of being held back from our desires or almost crossing the finish line and being pulled back at the last moment to our “familiar”?
Well, there are many tools that coaches use to create lasting transformation and create powerful results for clients. And for me, in my practice, that tool has been Flower Essence Therapy.
Flower Essences pull subconscious debris to the conscious mind where it can be released. This is then where transformation (aka – an amazing partner, heart opening, clarity around purpose, etc) and a-ha’s reside.
The other day I was reminded of the importance of ritual.
I was angsting over the launch of my Flower Essence Practitioner Training Program. I was sharing with a dear sister that my whole being is pushing me to birth this program into the world (it is already created and is amazing, FYI!). And at the same time, I don’t feel inspired to do a traditional “launch” which is very labor intensive and honestly, very masculine. I shared my desire to invite in the most magnificent women who want to both go on their own personal healing/growth journey AND uplevel their businesses by adding Flower Essence Therapy.
She simply said, “Call those women in.”
And so this weekend, I created sacred space and a ritual to do just that. This grounded my vision and now I am working in partnership with Spirit or the Divine to support me and what I believe is part of my purpose… teaching about the power and profundity of Flower Essences. Rather than pushing my will forces, I have asked to be supported by the unseen.
Ritual has been my saving Grace over the years. It can be easy to forget that these simple acts provide an opportunity to feel the sacred and acknowledge our blessings.
For example, one of the things that I do every month during my Moontime is ritual. Before this weekend, I never thought to share the specifics of this. I have Mentored women one-on-one for years and taught my Cycles of Wisdom program this spring, and it never crossed my mind to share this profound practice!
So, today on the latest WomanRising TV episode, you will learn how to move from “putting up” with your cycle to perhaps moving towards celebrating this powerful inner rhythm through ritual.
This past Super Moon I went to the movies. I thought I would create an elaborate ritual and dance under the Full Moon celebrating my teachers and spirit guides. But, a dear friend of mine invited me to go see Maleficent and I was intrigued enough to say yes.
One of the last lines in the movie is “There is a hero and villain in us all.”
This is the story.
A woman falls in love. She is then betrayed. Violated. The heartbreak and pain of this creates deep rupture. Her anger closes her heart. She becomes the perpetrator, stuck in hatred and revenge. She is unrecognizable to herself. Love begins to break her heart open. She returns to her true self, saved by true love.
Can you relate to any part of this story?
I know I can.
For years, I was caught not only in the pain of my parent’s divorce but everything that came from that rupture. I was angry. I was no longer innocent. My heart felt shattered. I questioned long-lasting love. I pushed down my feelings. I dimmed my light. I hurt partners by not committing. I ignored my truth.
It wasn’t until I could no longer bear living like this that light was able to penetrate into the darkness and my journey of unfoldment began.