How to be a Healthy Feminine Leader™

As we move into Fall and drift from the outward summer months, you might be noticing more internal introspection.  As women, we move with the rhythms of Nature.  And Autumn is the time where we let go of that which no longer serves us.  We may grieve that loss and yet, we know, that it is in our highest good and we return it back to Mother Earth.

These cyclic rhythms are also enhanced through Mercury Retrograde that began last week, the Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse that happened early this morning, and another powerful eclipse happening this month too.

One of the themes I am noticing in my own life and that of my clients right now is the thirst to live more passionately.   As we inventory our lives, we become aware of places we have become complacent or even stuck.  And we lean into what we want to feel and experience.  That becomes our pathway to passions.

My clients are working on having more passion in their relationship, creating careers that are rooted in passion, bringing passion to their health and Feminine reclamation, and of course, committing to bringing out even more of their own inner passions or desires.

And I am doing this too right now.  What projects fuel my heart and Soul?  How can I serve you more in 2015?  How can I deepen in my intimate relationship and friendships?  Basically, how can I bring MORE of me into every aspect of my life?

When a woman decides to journey towards her desires and passions, she finds that it can be a windy and sometimes thorny path!  We find parts of ourselves that we may have known were there but weren’t quite ready to embody until now.

One common discovery I often hear from my clients is that they are ready to embody more of their Feminine Power.  This might feel like a big surprise or more like an inner calling that has been waiting to be heard.

Power can mean many different things.  Because our world shows us that those who have power, enslave others, most of us want to avoid this sort power.  It can often scare us or make us slow waaaay down on the journey to our desires.

Power has been warped and twisted into a mechanism of control.

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A pledge to end shit-talking

The other day I was out to tea with a friend I hadn’t seen in almost a year.

We were catching up on our celebrations and of course, places of challenge.

At some point during the conversation when we were sharing set backs and blocks, my friend was telling me about a  painful experience that had happened to her a few weeks before.  Of course my heart ached for her and all I wanted to do was sit with her and be present to her feelings.

And then, she moved from owning her sadness to ripping apart a woman who was involved in the experience.  I was so wrapped up in her story that I didn’t notice at first how she had shifted from her own internal process to placing blame on another.

And the truth is, sometimes we just need a safe place to rant.

But, 5 minutes past and this sacred container started to feel like high school.

Judgements being tossed around.  Assumptions become truth.

And at a certain point, she said, “I know this doesn’t feel like sisterhood, but….”

BUT on she went, shaming another woman who she actually really doesn’t know.

At a certain point, I stopped her so that her back to her place in this hurtful experience.

The truth is, every painful experience reflects to us places that still need healing.  And when we point the finger outside of us rather than looking at our own actions or miscommunications, we are missing powerful moments of growth.

Now, don’t get me wrong.   As I said, sometimes we need a tender-hearted person to hold space as we spew out annoyances or angers at another.

But, when you are on a path to discovering your truth, the conversation always needs to come back to how you showed up (authentic, fear-based) and why you might have acted in certain ways (fear, anger, guilt).

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Things are falling apart and I don’t know what to do.

“Things are falling apart and I don’t know what to do.”

These are words I recently heard from a client.
Have you ever felt this before?
That your life is falling apart?  Or things just aren’t going your way?
And that you are watching the crumbling because you have no idea how to “fix” it?
This past spring, I worked with a woman (Samara) who had irregular and painful cycles, a marriage that was breaking down, and a business that wasn’t making ends meet. She was frustrated.  Confused.  Overwhelmed.  Irritable.  Stressed.  Sad.  Angry.
We started addressing her physical health challenges and slowly, there was an unearthing of how low her self-worth was and how little she believed in herself.In my work, while we are working on the physical, we also focus on the emotional.  We started looking at how her low self-worth was interfering in her life and ultimately, her health.  One major area was in her finances.  Making more money was important to Samara as she was needing to contribute more to her family’s income.  She’s a copywriter and was charging $25 per hour for her services.  Some jobs took her 5 hours and some 25 hours.

She was highly trained and quite an expert in her field… and knew that she could charge more.  Every time she went to increase her prices, she hesitated and stopped herself.

She would meet a new client.  The client would fall in love with all that she had to offer.  And Samara knew that this client would be willing to pay top dollar.  And yet, she found herself still quoting $25 per hour.

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The day I stopped crying

I was 24 years old.

I had moved from Maui back to live with my mom in Philadelphia.

I had just enrolled in a Plant Spirit Medicine Practitioner Program as well as a 2 year Herbal Apprenticeship Program.

I knew I wanted to learn about plant medicines and healing on an emotional level.

But, other than that, I was confused and felt stuck.

I mean, who wants to move back home with their mom at the age of 24? 

Isn’t that when life is meant to take off and all dreams come true?

Well, that is what I had been fed my entire life.

Go to college.
Fall in Love.
Get married.
Have babies.
Bliss.

Life is like that right?!?!

Not quite.

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Healing your Relationship with your Mother

Our first relationship in this world is with our Mothers.

And this relationship is quite windy and sometimes perilous. It can be challenging to know that we may not ever get the love we truly desire. It can be heartbreaking to be squashed, unseen, betrayed, and/or violated.

If you can traverse the messy entanglements and pains, the love on the other side is exquisite.

This path asks you to stand tall in self-responsibility and forgiveness. This path asks you to lean into your adult self so that you can heal the child wounds.

I am not saying that this will be an easy path to navigate.  But, I do know that healing the mother-daughter bond is possible.

Everything is repairable.

From the time we are born, we so deeply yearn to love and be loved by our Mothers.

And at some point, we separate and even reject our Mothers.

For so much of my life, my mom and I couldn’t connect.  From age 2 until age 27, there was some deep divide.

I wanted to cuddle in her arms and feel close but….

I felt squashed and suppressed.

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Protecting your Energy IS Important

A few months ago, I wrote about the need to “protect” oneself and there was such an outpouring of responses that I decided to delve more deeply here.

Here is what I often hear when women are sharing their challenges and struggles:

1.     Many women describe that there are people in their lives (generally significant/close relationships like mother, father, partner, sister, friend) who they have noticed it doesn’t feel “good” to be around.

They say things like, “When I am talking on the phone with my mom for longer than 20 minutes or when I am with her for more than 2-3 days, I get exhausted.  Sometimes I actually get a headache and a stomachache.”

By the way, this is not limited to only moms, but for the sake of this email, I am sticking with this relationship.  It can be anyone  –  father, sister, brother, boss, friend, partner, etc.

2.     Many health practitioners also tell me that after working with their clients, they find themselves unable to fall asleep or their dreams are full of their client’s stories or sometimes, they even feel (emotionally or physically) what their client feels.

Both of the above examples show us that your body is in need of energetic protection.

What is happening is that our bodies are trying to communicate with us constantly.  Our bodies are so incredibly brilliant that they are trying to keep us safe, protected, and out of harms way.  So, if you are exhausted after spending time with your mom for a few days, there is an underlying message.

Most often, the message is that it is time to create healthy and appropriate boundaries and that deep inner inquiry into deep-set past pains (anger, guilt, sadness) is required.

Most of us don’t want to be bothered doing this “work”.  We don’t want to create boundaries out of fear of hurting another.  How many times have you wanted to limit your phone call with your mom only to stay on because you don’t want to “rock the boat” or “deal with the repercussions”?

Or we don’t want to feel into our hurt of a mother who was absent or abusive because it IS incredibly painful.

So rather than place ourselves as a priority and make powerful shifts, we ignore the language of our body.  And things don’t ever change.

We push against our inner wisdom that is desperately trying to get our attention.

So, what do we do?

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