The other day I was out to tea with a friend I hadn’t seen in almost a year.
We were catching up on our celebrations and of course, places of challenge.
At some point during the conversation when we were sharing set backs and blocks, my friend was telling me about a painful experience that had happened to her a few weeks before. Of course my heart ached for her and all I wanted to do was sit with her and be present to her feelings.
And then, she moved from owning her sadness to ripping apart a woman who was involved in the experience. I was so wrapped up in her story that I didn’t notice at first how she had shifted from her own internal process to placing blame on another.
And the truth is, sometimes we just need a safe place to rant.
But, 5 minutes past and this sacred container started to feel like high school.
Judgements being tossed around. Assumptions become truth.
And at a certain point, she said, “I know this doesn’t feel like sisterhood, but….”
BUT on she went, shaming another woman who she actually really doesn’t know.
At a certain point, I stopped her so that her back to her place in this hurtful experience.
The truth is, every painful experience reflects to us places that still need healing. And when we point the finger outside of us rather than looking at our own actions or miscommunications, we are missing powerful moments of growth.
Now, don’t get me wrong. As I said, sometimes we need a tender-hearted person to hold space as we spew out annoyances or angers at another.
But, when you are on a path to discovering your truth, the conversation always needs to come back to how you showed up (authentic, fear-based) and why you might have acted in certain ways (fear, anger, guilt).