The day I stopped crying

I was 24 years old.

I had moved from Maui back to live with my mom in Philadelphia.

I had just enrolled in a Plant Spirit Medicine Practitioner Program as well as a 2 year Herbal Apprenticeship Program.

I knew I wanted to learn about plant medicines and healing on an emotional level.

But, other than that, I was confused and felt stuck.

I mean, who wants to move back home with their mom at the age of 24? 

Isn’t that when life is meant to take off and all dreams come true?

Well, that is what I had been fed my entire life.

Go to college.
Fall in Love.
Get married.
Have babies.
Bliss.

Life is like that right?!?!

Not quite.

So, there I was, at the age of 24, following my passions and yet, feeling lost and embarrassed about that. 

Living with my mom brought up a lot of anger.  In fact, it was really hard for me to be around her.  All of my wounds and hurts from the past were constantly surfacing and yet, I couldn’t get away from them.  (Watch the video with my mom from a couple weeks ago and you will see the journey we have undergone). And, I just felt angry about where I was in my life too.

A year into this living and I realized that if I didn’t start dealing with my inner demons and stories, I would be one of those women who withers away and starves from pain.  I couldn’t imagine living like this for another month, let alone, another year.

I was not only emotionally uncomfortable, but physically uncomfortable too.  Being angry, feeling deep sadness, feeling stuck and stagnant was creating exhaustion and chronic yeast infections.

For some reason, and still to this day, I have no idea why, I found myself on the internet one morning, searching for a Flower Essence training program.  I knew I loved working on the inner realms and in herb school, we had touched on this plant modality, but I am still unsure why I was going to add to my plate (after all, I was enrolled in two other programs and hadn’t started to implement the teachings!).

I think I kept hoping to find something to “fix” me.

The first result for a Flower Essence program on Google was for a training program happening that weekend in NYC (like in 2 days!).

I signed up and drove to Manhattan.

That weekend changed my life.

And I started working one-on-one with my teacher. 

He said “Lets commit for 3 months.  You will feel different in 3 months.”

And I did.  But not in the way I had imagined. 

In a much more subtle and profound Truth way.

There were so many emotional layers being peeled and revealed to me.  So many patterns and limiting beliefs surfacing and offering me opportunities to change how I had been navigating in the world.

About 6 months in my healing journey, I started crying.

And I cried almost every day for the next 3 months.

I remember sitting on my bedroom floor during that time talking on the phone with one of my dearest sisters, and allowing my grief to surface.  I felt into my parent’s divorce, my anger at my mom, my caretaking of my father, my perceived-rigid heart, my deep desire for clarity and my yearning for a relationship. 

And I allowed myself to shatter (while being lovingly held) into a million pieces.

All the inner work I had been doing on myself for months using the Flower Essences to unearth subconscious debris, was moving and twisting and releasing.

About a week later, I realized I hadn’t cried once. 

I was on the other side.
I had Broken Open.

And from that point on, emotional freedom was embodied.

Clarity and love arrived.

And I took different actions and made different choices.

I communicated with my Mom from a place of Love and Compassion.
I decided to move back to Maui.
I created strong boundaries with my Dad.
I surrendered the tight grip of having my life look a certain way.
I made clear choices.
I felt FULL of possibilities.

Of course, I still have moments of self-doubt or fear or ingrained patterns surfacing, but the truth is, 97% of the time, I am operating from the present moment, rather than the stories of my past.

And when those gremlins rear their head, I have my friends and allies, aka, Flower Essences, that I use to shift quickly into empowered beliefs and habits.

You too can use Flower Essences to support yourself and other women in the journey from rupture to rapture.

If you want to learn more about using Flower Essences and incorporating them into your life or business, check out my upcoming Flower Essence Practitioner Certification program.

We can hop on the phone and see if this healing modality if right for your healing journey and that of your clients.

Click reply and let me know you are interested in talking.

There are 4 spaces left in this intimate program.

We begin virtually September 22nd.

Read more here.

I envision you getting unstuck and crystal clear.
I envision you melting any closures around your heart.
I envision you standing in your courageous self-expression.
I envision you creating healthy and appropriate boundaries.
I envision you living your deepest desires (the ones you think about all day).
I envision you remembering your truth and wisdom.

I envision you having a powerful and transformational medicine in your bag to assist your clients (and your friends and children too!)

Its a journey, but soooo worth it.With Love....
And Remembering the Ways of the Feminine™,
Joanne Ameya


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