Healing your Relationship with your Mother

Our first relationship in this world is with our Mothers.

And this relationship is quite windy and sometimes perilous. It can be challenging to know that we may not ever get the love we truly desire. It can be heartbreaking to be squashed, unseen, betrayed, and/or violated.

If you can traverse the messy entanglements and pains, the love on the other side is exquisite.

This path asks you to stand tall in self-responsibility and forgiveness. This path asks you to lean into your adult self so that you can heal the child wounds.

I am not saying that this will be an easy path to navigate.  But, I do know that healing the mother-daughter bond is possible.

Everything is repairable.

From the time we are born, we so deeply yearn to love and be loved by our Mothers.

And at some point, we separate and even reject our Mothers.

For so much of my life, my mom and I couldn’t connect.  From age 2 until age 27, there was some deep divide.

I wanted to cuddle in her arms and feel close but….

I felt squashed and suppressed.

I felt angry and unforgiving.

I always looked at other women’s relationships with their mothers and compared mine, wishing that I could open to her and love her, but the closures around my heart just couldn’t melt.

I didn’t like living like this.  I wanted to heal…. and I have done ALOT of healing solo and with my mom.

I have gone to the depths of my Soul, only to break free of these deep pains.

And you can too, if you are willing.

We all have stories about our Mothers.

And, there are always reasons why we feel the way we do.

Years ago, I never would have thought I would truly enjoy and appreciate my mom. But through my commitment to my emotional healing, I have come to know her beauty and generosity. 

Last week, my mom came for a visit. And we sat down for an impromptu chat.  I almost didn’t send this to you as we had about 20 minutes to shoot it and there was lots that I wanted to talk about that didn’t quite make it in our limited time.

(I am pushing past my perfectionism tendencies because there are some beautiful take-aways from this conversation.)

Watch the latest WomanRising TV episode where my mom and I share the differences between the adult/mother perspective and the child perspective.  And the journey to healing.

We would love to hear from you.

I know that this conversation can really touch into deep wounds.

But, I will tell you, that it takes a village to create transformation.
You are never alone.

Let us know below.

  • Was this helpful to you?
  • Do you have questions for either one of us? 
  • Do you have desires for your relationship with your mother?  Share what it is that you want to experience.
  • How might healing your relationship with your mom change how you parent your children?


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Healing your Relationship with your Mother — 11 Comments

  1. This was so enjoyable and enlightening to watch. Joanne, how did you know you were ready to begin talking with your mom – what was the signal from your heart and body wisdom that it was time to expand your solo healing focus for healing your relationship with your mom and to include dialogue with your mom?

    It’s an inspiration to see such authentic mature communication between you and your mother. Thank you for demonstrating what that can look like.

    ~ Blessings

    • What a great question Laura-Maria!

      For me, in the beginning, my anger was a huge catalyst for transformation. I felt so angry and reactionary around my mom all the time that I knew I had to go deep and resolve my issues.

      And at a certain point in my own healing journey, I started to feel less “charged” and stronger in my self.

      And I wanted to share with her so that we could heal together. Before this could happen, I had to feel safe. And safety can be find within each one of us.

      Safety is oneself is such a huge piece of this.

      And our first few conversations where I shared my pain with her were really raw – lots of crying and me wanting to shut down but staying open.

      I remember parts of the conversations being so beautiful and then parts where our take on the experiences were so different that it felt like the divide would never be connected.

      And each time, I went back to my own healing… moving through wounds and tender spots until I was ready to emerge again.

      I kept sharing with her parts of me so that she could understand. It really was such a journey.

      Does this help? I am happy to keep talking about this.

  2. How do you start forgiving process with abusive alcoholic mother who can’t communicate (or doesn’t want to). Who doesn’t reciprocate despite trying many times?

    • Oh Natalia,

      Thank you for your courage to ask this.
      The truth is, this journey starts within.
      It may be that your mother will never be able to communicate or heal herself. So, although your heart yearns for that connection with her and somehow it feels incomplete to heal without her, it may be part of your journey.

      So, the question becomes, “What do you ultimately want to feel about your relationship with your mother? What do you want to experience in yourself?”
      If we know where you want to go, then we can bridge the gap between how you feel right now.

      In my opinion, forgiveness comes later in your healing process. First, you must go into the sadness and anger and betrayals. Once those are processed and released, forgiveness comes soo much quicker.

      You will need to have a lot of self-love and self-compassion during this journey. You will have to face a lot of uncomfortabilities.
      But, I promise that on the other side of this journey, is freedom. It is so worth it.

      Please let me know how this unfolds for you.

  3. Joanne, thank you for posting this. I can say, with utter certainty, that working with you and Flower Essences for less than 2 weeks now has catapulted my healing of chronic illness of 8 years. I am dumbfounded, humbled and mesmerized, considering all along the way I somehow thought I could “figure this out”. Looks like flower and plant intelligence and their innate wisdom trump human intellect bar none. Meanwhile, I thought this post was very brave, endearing, *perfect* in its challenging and heated subject matter and graceful as you both held beautiful space for each other to share from your hearts. I hope one day this, too, will be my experience with my mother. In deep gratitude. Namaste.

    • Quinn ~
      Thank you for your leap of Faith and trusting your intuition.
      I have Angel Bumps all over.

      Yes… flowers and plant intelligence humbles me everyday. I am thrilled that you are experiencing their medicines in just this short amount of time.
      And I look forward to what heals over the next 4 months for you.

      With Love

  4. Thank you for this post. I am so ready to heal my relationship with my mother but I honestly don’t know how. She is very very closed emotionally and will not communicate with me at all. I have done a lot of self healing in the past few years but this is one area that I still have a lot of pain around. I so look forward to meeting you at Bhakti Fest and seem to continue to be guided towards you for the next level of my healing. Namaste Michelle.

    • Michelle,

      I know it can be so heartbreaking when you understand you will have to walk this healing path alone.
      AND, it will also be one of the most transformational walks you ever take.

      Healing the Mother-Daughter Wound will open so much inside of you that feels betrayed and closed.

      I would begin with simple questions like “How do you want to Mother yourself right now?”
      You get to re-parent yourself and in doing so, remember the truth of who you are.

      I absolutely look forward to meeting you at BhaktiFest!!

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  6. How do you heal a lifetime of hurt with your mother when she is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s ? Is it possible? I’m chronically ill with neurolyme and need to put closure with so many issues.

    • Hi Becky,
      Sorry to hear about the health of both you and your Mother.
      Yes, sometimes our Mothers are deceased or ill or just unavailable.
      So, it becomes up to each of us as individuals to heal these hurts. And, I can see from your words, that these pains go back to your childhood.
      Slowly, slowly, if you are committed to your healing, it will happen.
      You will forgive, move on, let go… and become More WHOLE.

      It might be beneficial to start a list of all the hurts.
      And then start a forgiveness practice too. See where that leads you 🙂

      I am sending you sooo much love!